Over the last 6 to 7 weeks it is like the Lord, has increasingly removed the Monday blues that I’ve dealt with as a pastor for years. For me, I am beginning to gander that much of that depression was due to my own expectations that I had failed on a Sunday. So much as one raincloud could send me in the spiritual depression. Easily discouraged/fainting in heart. For a day or 2 during the week. I used to drown myself in work or activity or escapism to hide that feeling, but have not over the last 6-7 weeks (And some degree not over the last 5-6 months of sabbatical learning). More people than ever I am aware of praying for me, and I have prayed more in dependence on the Father than I ever have. And as the Lord has increasingly been rooting my identity in Him, taking me through my own “40 days” of temptation in the wilderness (where I have not always passed first round). I know that Satan will return with temptation at an opportune time. Just as he did to our Lord and Savior. But I am living with a freedom now rather than the slavery mindset I lived in for years. Now, as a child of God. I don’t think I’ve ever had, or only briefly had this in my walk with the Lord. I know it still may be soon to say some of these things, time will tell the true fruit, but it has been amazing during the same 6-7 weeks, since the Lord has been dealing with my pride (actually, I can see now that He began dealing with that long ago, even years ago) and I was not even aware of a thought that I just had to grin and bear that He has dealt with specific conviction with clarity and at the same time embraced me like the prodigal. I am experiencing (not just knowing of) His Gentle heart – Matthew 11:28-30. I needed to forgive others and the BIGGEST MYSELF and carried for years things, and I think they affected my physical and mental health. I carried THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD for my own mistakes. Also, my ambition for a bigger and better ministry that hid out in the recesses of my heart is gone miraculously. Content. Joyful. Actually happy (maybe first time in my life). The unction I have received in preaching over these last six or seven weeks has also been phenomenal and the Holy Spirit has done literally multiple spiritual miracles in peoples lives. In answering tons of prayers for others (some nearly a decade of asking) and myself. As I have simply obeyed the transparency and repentance, I believe the Lord has been calling me too, many others have begun to be more open and encouraged in their own walk. And the Lord used a very special person’s prayers and gentleness, I am convinced to bring all He has been teaching me to a head. She has been the greatest blessing, the Lord through her, in my life. It’s amazing what a broken witness giving all the credit to the Lord can do. All glory to Christ, may He be exalted through all of this.
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